InterAct<\/a>, a battered woman\u2019s shelter in Raleigh, the phenomenon is real.<\/p>\n\u201cI\u2019ve been working here for 16 years and I\u2019ve been seeing this for a long time,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Back in Christmas of 2002, Denise wasn\u2019t completely fooled by the nice jewelry. She just wanted to believe the relationship would work.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe thing is, I don\u2019t even like jewelry. I don\u2019t wear jewelry,\u201d she said \u201cIt was just his way of trying to get over on me.\u201d<\/p>\n
But she and her ex had a child together, 3-year-old Alexander. Despite previous abuse, she decided to move back in.<\/p>\n
The cycle of domestic violence is made up of three steps, Johnson said: \u201cViolent episode, honeymoon, escalation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gift giving, as Denise Gonzalez experienced, is a telltale sign of the honeymoon phase.<\/p>\n
\u201cWalking on eggshells\u201d is a common feeling for victims during the escalation phase, Johnson said, and that\u2019s exactly what Gonzalez experienced when she moved back in with her husband. The violence began again quickly.<\/p>\n
She experienced verbal, physical and sexual abuse every day.<\/p>\n
\u201cThose six months [after Christmas] were really the worst,\u201d Gonzalez said. \u201cIt went straight downhill \u2013 not like on a slant \u2013 it went straight downhill in those six months from January to June.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Escape
\n<\/strong>Fortunately for Denise, she made a friend during those six months.<\/p>\n\u201cShe told me, \u2018Whatever you need I\u2019m here for you,\u2019\u201d Denise said.<\/p>\n
When the day came for Denise and Alexander to leave, it was the friend who drove them. Denise had secretly put Alexander\u2019s birth certificate in her pocketbook a couple of days earlier and left with nothing but the clothes on her back and her son.<\/p>\n
After three months of staying in shelters and with close friends, barely showing her face outside, Denise came to InterAct. She\u2019s been inRaleighever since.<\/p>\n
And even though she\u2019s living a positive life in a non-abusive environment, the holidays are still hard. Due to her custody arrangement, her husband gets Alexander every other weekend and at Thanksgiving and Christmas.<\/p>\n
Gonzalez said it\u2019s a struggle to get her son on the phone during the holiday and even when she does it doesn\u2019t feel like he\u2019s all there.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s almost like he\u2019s afraid to talk when he\u2019s there,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
This holiday anxiety is compounded by the fact Denise doesn\u2019t want to present her ex in a bad light to Alex.<\/p>\n
Even when the abuse was ongoing Denise said she would say things like, \u201cWe have to be ready in case the bad people show up,\u201d rather than tell her son they were hiding out from his father or \u201cWell, you know daddy was mean to me,\u201d to which her son always replied \u201cWell, he wasn\u2019t mean to me<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cEven though he was a monster to me, he wasn\u2019t a monster to his kid,\u201d Denise said.<\/p>\n
Holding it Together for the Holidays
\n<\/strong>\u201cPeople try to hold it together for their families during the holidays,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\nAnd it\u2019s this added pressure that eventually blows up in their faces.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlcohol or the holidays don\u2019t make a situation violent,\u201d Johnson added. \u201cThey just escalate an already violent situation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Johnson says the biggest time for domestic violence besides after Christmas is after the school year ends. It\u2019s another time when people hold it together for their families.<\/p>\n
Sgt. Darden of the Raleigh Police said \u201cverbal abuse increases more\u201d after the holidays. However, he adds that\u2019s not something that usually leads to official charges.<\/p>\n
Darden said even if call outs don\u2019t lead to charges, his officers always follow up and offer ways to help, which can include counseling, restraining orders and other methods.<\/p>\n
But even with resources available, Gonzalez believes that right now it\u2019s harder for women to leave than ever.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn this economy right now,\u201d Gonzalez said, \u201cI\u2019m sure there are a lot of women that are being abused right now that feel like, \u2018Oh my gosh! If he can\u2019t get a job, I can\u2019t get a job. How will we ever make it?! I guess I\u2019m stuck.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt can\u2019t be that way,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019d rather be stuck out there with no job and just make ends meet rather than live in [an abusive] situation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Denise is finding it hard to make ends meet these days. She works three jobs; one full-time at the DMV and two part-time. But she\u2019s happy with it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m struggling right now, but at least I\u2019m at home.\u201d Denise said. \u201cI\u2019m not arguing with him. There\u2019s no abuse here.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There aren\u2019t any clear statistics or comprehensive studies to prove domestic violence goes up during the holidays, but advocates and survivors in Raleigh say there\u2019s no doubt that the extra strain of Christmas leads to outbursts of violence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24024,"featured_media":9899,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15,23],"tags":[380,381],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9895"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/24024"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9895"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9895\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9899"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9895"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9895"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theraleighcommons.org\/raleighpublicrecord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9895"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.raleighpublicrecord.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/denise_gonzalez1-225x300.jpg\" "\\"denise")
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